The burning bag of HELL!!! (okay, it isn’t burning. But it’s still diabolical!)

This morning a demon walked up to my door and plonked a package in my hands. Actually that’s a lie. It wasn’t a demon. But he was handing me a key to hell itself!

It was a tricky key to prise open. Behold the liberal use of gaffer tape that was used to keep this beast at bay!

What sorcery is this??!! (it’s not sorcery, it’s gaffer tape, says the wife)

Still, nothing my trusty breadknife sword of the bearer can’t handle. Now we have it open, what’s inside!

A box made of human bone (it’s actually carboard. But it’s very sturdy cardboard)

Behold, the key to the gates of Hell (see what I’m doing with the whole Devil/Diablo metaphor thing there?). I’m almost hesitant to open it and unleash its unholy contents upon my kitchen the world!! But fortune favours the brave. Here goes:

What madness lies beneath this lid? (Probably a game and some toys of some sort.)

Inside there is a tome of insidious artwork, a disc of hellish music and this!

Holy sh*t! There’s a USB in here in the shape of gem that fits in a skull!!! (… Actually, Holy sh*t! There’s actually a USB in here in the shape of gem that fits in a skull!!!)

Yes, that’s a USB in the shape of gem and it fits into a metal skull. Suck it, fanboys! On top of that, you get the game, a behind the scenes DVD and a couple of in-game trinkets…

Look at this! A selection of infernal realms of… oh sod it, I can’t keep this up. (Thank God!)

…which I am certainly looking forward to using, once the f*cking servers let me ACTUALLY PLAY THE SODDING GAME!!!